Blueflying f*!@

I have unconditional love for Tim Gunn, and thus am enthralled by all he trills in that low decibel voice, originating somewhere around the back of all of his neatly pressed collars. But now, thanks to Bluefly, I can no longer enjoy it when Tim says, "Please use the accessory wall from Bluefly.com wisely." I have HAD it with them. It was coming for a while now, a latent nagging as I looked at their billboards and print ads...something was bothering me... and then, last Wednesday, BAM, right in the middle of my Project Runway bliss, Bluefly hits me with a commercial that just sends me over the edge.

I am happily licking my Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich and waiting to watch Nina scowl at Kenley, when I am assaulted with the image of some chick strolling the airport. Naked. Nothin' on but her Louboutins. And I hate her. She is sauntering, she is swishing her hair, she is coyly placing her shoes in a security bin, she is winking as she glides through the security gates. NO. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, I am perfectly willing to suspend disbelief. But in this case, I cannot. SHE IS WALKING THROUGH AN AIPORT, NEKKERS.

This is not sexy; this is not witty; this is dumb. Why are the commercial airport people not reacting to this!? I want to smack the TSA people, kick the guy with the luggage cart who is ogling her, and summon the airport police to take this naked woman to airport jail. Ugh, she and her, "yeah, I'm naked, so what?" attitude disgust me. Not to mention the thought of all that airport like, stuff, just floating all over her, like, stuff. Ew.

OHH but, hahahahaha, NOW we're supposed to titter and laugh and sympathize with Nudie because, see, she HAS nothing to wear! To the airport! THAT is why she Blueflies! Oh my god, how simply genius! So I get it, because all of the other still outrageously priced designer duds she has previously bought on Bluefly simply won't do for a transcontinental flight she must leave all clothing aside and get herself to the nearest internet connection for some Dolce and Gabbana, STAT.

Listen, I have Bluefly-ed. I'll admit I do have a weakness for designer clothes and have given in on some I- fell into -some -cash occasions. But THAT is not why I Bluefly. Not because when I look at my moderately priced closet and am uninspired I choose to go in the buff. My nakedness is basically confined to the cooling tiles of my bathroom floor since it's pretty much shower to lotion to bathrobe for me, so the clothes-less thing is not a fashion statement option for. Or anyone else outside a nudist colony. GEEZ. I Bluefly because when I obtain a particularly smashing item of clothing, it just makes me feel good when I wear it. And it is fun to look at your wardrobe, find those particular sparkling pieces, and hit the town feeling fabulous...but somedays you just gotta go with what ya got.

So, shove it, Nudie, and throw on your oldest pair of jeans, long sleeve t-shirt that might smell, running shoes and go to the god damn airport, like the rest of us do.